so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
