We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
