There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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