Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
