Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
