Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
