susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
