Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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