Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
