I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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