"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
