i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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