I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
