i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
