I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm always down for nudity.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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