So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
