Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
