I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
two words...techno handjob
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
