He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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