So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
