My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Houston, we have a squirter
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
