Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
