OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
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