Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
