i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
