you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
