I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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