Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
