Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
