just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
