worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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