So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
