When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize
