thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
