OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
