billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
