youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
