Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
