I think I won the penis lottery.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
