You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
