Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
