I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
