I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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