I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
