i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
two words...techno handjob
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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