ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
This baby is an asshole
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize