yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
