Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
