So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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