This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
