i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
