This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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