Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
