There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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