im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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