You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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