Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
