So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize