Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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