I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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