The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
