I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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