my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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