I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
