I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Semen is not good for contacts.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
