things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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