the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
