I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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