I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
