I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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