I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
