I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize