So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
